Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
