ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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