Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
