i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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