im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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