....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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