If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
