You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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