I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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