wanna go halves on a baby?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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