i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize