Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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