I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
40s are totally the cure
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize