i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
