my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
