Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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