i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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