Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
