I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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