I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
