Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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