so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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