So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
