The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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