Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize