Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
