dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
