Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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