we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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