do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize