people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize