My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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