Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
