Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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