we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
