im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
