i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
