Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
