from now on my penis is your penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize