i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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