I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
