I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
