Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it glows. i had to have it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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