u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
