i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
