ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We left the knife in your bed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
