Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Two words: blizzard sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
