He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
