Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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