I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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