Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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