remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
