This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
