ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
