How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
