may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
