Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
try to milk me bitch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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