woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
