I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
