i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
