he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How naked do you want me to be?
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