Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
