I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
