She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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