Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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