I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
