dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
